she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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