Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
This beer is not sobering me up at all
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
