No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
