I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
