she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
