I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
