Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
