So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
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Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
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Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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