I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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