Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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