So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
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He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
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I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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