Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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