I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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