i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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