I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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