I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
