I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
