burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
