He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
