After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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