is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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