dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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