I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
this beer tastes like vomit already
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
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They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
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I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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