I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
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God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
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And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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