It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
