she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
