Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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