I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize