I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
