Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
organizing the empties. That sober.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
