How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
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I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
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And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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