clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
