the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
