i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
