New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
