I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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