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I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
