i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
