yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Randomize
