she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
