We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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