textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He is an equal opportunity slut.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
