margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
