He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
