You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
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Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize