oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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