Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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