I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
