____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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