everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
