I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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