how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just got carded by a ten year old.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize