Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
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I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
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Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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