Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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