why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Who wears a wallet chain?!
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
