dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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