So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
