I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
