I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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