He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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