he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
