Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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