I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Randomize
