So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
