I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
And then my night got REAL pukey
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
