I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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