Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
