This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
