I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
